Hearing voices...

This is not really a mummy blog – that's the first thing to say. So, if you dipped in hoping to read about the harsh lot of the single parent, I'd suggest you just click that little cross in the corner before I disappoint you. And if you came here for solo parenting advice, then boy have you come to the wrong place.

Now, I am a mum, but quite honestly, people who drone on about their kids and expect me to join in because I have one, they bore me to tears.

So, why have I joined the blogger brigade? Well, I guess I'm pretty confident I have a story to tell that people will find interesting. No point being self-deprecating about it. If I didn't think I was interesting, I wouldn't be stroking my own ego by writing about myself. Can't promise I'll stick at it though – never was much good at that, just ask my ex-husband.

People always say to me (usually between guffaws having heard about my latest misadventure – and there are many...) that I should write a book about my life. And what have I always said back (why did I just do that, I hate people who refer to themselves in the third person, it's so pretentious?)

My reply is always: “Are you mad? I'd be sued. How many lives would I wreck? Whole governments could fall!” Well, okay, so that last bit is a slight exaggeration, but you see where I'm coming from.

Hence, I am exercising my right to remain anonymous. Look at it this way, it means I can be honest, brutally so at times, about everything apart from my identity.

I fully expect that a lot of you won't end up liking me very much.

I also know I'll pretend I don't care, but I'm a Leo, and I'm only happy when I'm being admired so just be aware that I'll beat myself up over your disapproval. No pressure or anything.

I guess if I'm going to convince you to keep coming back here, I should give you a flavour of what's to come. But I'm still trying to decide where in hell to start, and there's a lot I want to share with you.

So for now, I'll just issue a few more words of warning to those of you who are still with me. What will follow will not be for the faint-hearted. My moral code tends to go AWOL with alarming regularity (and it used to be so dependable damn it!)

I am a parent, and I'm not half bad at it, but I'm also a single woman, I get drunk (again with alarming regularity), I fall over a lot and I'm wildly inappropriate (these states, surprisingly, are not always linked).

The words 'single'' and 'parent' – they just don't belong together you see. The two entities are so tough to tie together, I'm starting to think I might by schizophrenic.

Now that could be a good starting point for a blog...

I guess you'll just have to wait and see which one of my voices pipes up first....